What the Heck Do We Do?
William Styron’s 1979 novel and the later Hollywood movie starring Meryl Streep introduced the concept of “Sophie’s Choice” to our culture. Briefly, a “Sophie’s Choice” decision is an unavoidable decision for which there is no good option. Speaking with students and parents across America, I’ve often been asked about a sort of “Sophie’s Choice” relating to college. Fortunately this particular decision doesn’t affect every college student but it is relevant for thousands of families each spring. If one student is graduating from college and a younger brother or sister is graduating from high school on the same weekend, which event do you attend?
The good news is that I’ve listened to many interesting solutions. The bad news is that I’ve yet to find a “good choice”. Regardless of how this situation is addressed, be prepared for an awkward moment at some future family Thanksgiving dinner! I’ve developed what I believe is the most effective process to use in making the decision but there is nothing that can make it an easy or satisfying choice.
Let’s enlarge the scope of the problem a bit. When I first began to investigate this issue, I quickly discovered that the spring graduation season is also a popular wedding season and the playoff season for several high school sports. So the conflict may be between a college graduation and a younger sibling’s high school graduation but it might just as easily involve an older sister’s wedding or another brother’s state championship game!
To me, these other issues are easily remedied. The wedding conflict should never occur. That date is not “out of your control” and requires a simple check of the college web site to determine the date of some future graduation. Most colleges publish graduation dates several years in advance. As for the sports championship, that’s also easy to address. The athlete should never be asked to give up a championship or playoff game. They’ve worked for the goal and should be allowed to participate. Moreover, this event may help them to be accepted at a college from which they’ll graduate themselves one day. But in the bigger picture while arrangements should be made for the athlete to compete, the parents and other family members should attend the college graduation. College is a major life threshold representing a four year commitment of time, effort and money; the graduation takes precedence. That said, you might be sacrificing the only chance to witness your son or daughter score the winning run in the big game.
Good luck deciding exactly how to handle this issue at your house. There are some problems that even uraccepted can’t solve!
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