Conversations that never happened!
Given the record and preparation of many students, we have to assume that some high school seniors believe certain conversations regularly occur behind closed doors in admissions offices around the country. Now, with the help of sophisticated technology and hidden microphones and after reviewing hundreds of hours of admissions conversation . . . we can report with absolute certainty that the following conversations have never occurred within an admissions office or on the campus of a top tier college. Revealed here for the first time, these are the secret admissions conversations that never happened . . . ever. If you’re a high school senior and you actually think they sound reasonable then you need to get a grip . . . and a new attitude.
Conversation #8
Not far from where the Cleveland Indians play baseball, the Cleveland Browns play football and music blares from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame sits the campus of Midwest powerhouse Case Western Reserve. As the wind off Lake Erie gives this January morning a cold chill, two admissions officers are selecting the members of next year’s freshman class at this world famous university . . .
Admissions Officer #1 : Look at this kid’s essay. Take a minute and read it carefully. This is one of the best written personal statements that I’ve seen this year.
Admissions Officer #2 : Wow, you’re right. This is brilliant. You know, with that writing skill, they might be a potential English major. What’s the rest of the application look like?
Admissions Officer #1 : Hmm, this is interesting. They didn’t take any AP English classes at their high school. They never even took honors English! In fact, they only earned “B’s” most of the time in the English class they did take. There’s nothing in the recommendations that mentions anything about being a gifted writer.
Admissions Officer #2 : And look at this. The kid served an ‘in school’ suspension as a sophomore for cheating. His teacher caught ‘em plagiarizing a homework essay from the web. But you know, based on this application essay, the kid really seems to have gotten it all together and become a sensational writer.
Admissions Officer #1 : Wait a second. You don’t think the kid is at it again? Maybe they bought this essay on the web from one of those services?
Admissions Officer #2 : No way! They’re probably just a naturally good writer. I’ll bet the ‘so, so’ English grades are because the teachers were jealous of this kid’s natural ability and had a cow whenever he missed a homework or didn’t study for a vocab test. You know what high school teachers are like with that stuff. They always give the nerds who study hard a break but won’t cut a kid like this any slack on grades.
Admissions Officer #1 : Yeah, you’re probably right! Just because he’s never done a good job writing anything else doesn’t mean he bought this sensational essay. I’ll stamp the file ‘accept’ and include an exemption from ‘Freshman Writing 101’ with the congratulations letter.
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