Conversations that never happened!
Given the record and preparation of many students, we have to assume that some high school seniors believe certain conversations regularly occur behind closed doors in admissions offices around the country. Now, with the help of sophisticated technology and hidden microphones and after reviewing hundreds of hours of admissions conversation . . . we can report with absolute certainty that the following conversations have never occurred within an admissions office or on the campus of a top tier college. Revealed here for the first time, these are the secret admissions conversations that never happened . . . ever. If you’re a high school senior and you actually think they sound reasonable then you need to get a grip . . . and a new attitude!
Conversation #7
Perched on the top of Federal Hill in Providence, Rhode Island sits the campus of Ivy League powerhouse Brown University. For a couple of centuries Brown has been one of America’s most respected colleges. There’s a chill from the breeze off Narragansett Bay this early February afternoon as two admissions officers consider the next application on the table . . .
Admissions Officer #1 : Wow . . . look at this kid. He must be incredibly stupid! I’m surprised he even knows how to get find his way from one class to another at his high school. From his record and his SAT’s it looks like he has the brains but just doesn’t do anything with them. I mean with those grades, will he really graduate from high school this spring?
Admissions Officer #2 : Hey, you’re not kidding. He definitely looks like short yellow bus material. But wait a minute, look at this . . . he’s an excellent soccer player. Who cares about those grades and teacher recommendations! What are we supposed to do here at Brown . . . pick one of the 200 ‘high honor roll’ kids who applied and can play soccer just as well?
Admissions Officer #1 : Hell no! I think you’re on to something here; let’s take the lazy moron. I know the soccer team needs a good ‘center back’.
Admissions Officer #2 : Great idea! I’m just thinking out loud but why don’t we give him a ‘full ride’ scholarship too? I mean what’s he supposed to do in high school, play sports and get good grades? Give me a break. When would he have time to par-tay!
Admissions Officer #1 : Done deal! I’ll send a note to the financial aid office recommending a grant for the full ride. I think his special circumstances make it important that he doesn’t have any loans when he graduates.
Admissions Officer #2 : I know exactly where you’re going and I agree. I don’t think he’s going to be able to pay off college loans with the cash from his career. I mean, how much can someone make asking “do you want fries with that?”
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